THAT PLACE
Have you got a place you want to go every time whatever happens?I have a place to go ,when I am so bored,I discuss my family or my lover and want to be far from everything...etc.Even thinking of that place gives me refleshment and coolness.
It is so green a place and the sky is as blue as my lover's eyes: blue and green...One of them is my favourite colour , the another one is my lover's. Maybe , that's why,I love this place a lot.I should go there in the spring.Then it becomes so beautiful with the white daisies which are blossomning,and with the voice of the birds.The red roses and colourful blossomning flowers make the field as beautiful as the heaven, more alive, and more energetic. Furtermore,think of your two-floored home there.When I am bored in the city,I should go here to avoid from everything.When I get up,I should see the unity of the scene.I should smell the strong smell of this most wonderful place.And so,I am able to learn the real life in my balkoon.The sun should smile at me with its beautiful , yellow face as if gold.By sitting on the old wooden chair I should watch the moving from the side to side coyly of the so green trees
I want to go there which all colours ara mixed and live there , because if a person is happy a place wherever is , I think she must live there.Where am I happy? Don't you know?Of course, at the place at my dream !
this place must be very attractive and beatiful.I think organization is a bit weak and there are some grammatical mistakes,but content is good.
ReplyDeleteı really wonder this place.when you go to there don't forget me my baby:) ı like your essay.it has a hook thesis..
ReplyDeleteDear Selda,
ReplyDeleteVery good essay. Can you read the whole essay again and rewrite it.Can you rewrite the folowing sentence using parallel structures and consider my suggestions?
"Have you got a place you want to go every time?I have it./Whatever happens,for example;when I am so bored,I discuss my family or my lover and want to be far from everything...etc./ Even thinking of that place gives me refleshment and coolness.
It is /such a/so greeen /a/place and the sky is as blue as my lover's eyes: blue and green...One of them is my favourite colour , the another one is my lover's. Maybe , that's why,I love this place a lot.I shoul/d/g go there in the spring./In this time/,it becomes so beautiful with the white daisies/,/which are blossomning,and with the voice of the birds.The red roses and colourful blossomning flowers make the field as beautiful as the heaven, more alive, and more energetic. Furtermore,think of your two-floored home there.When I am bored in the city,I should /escape there/.When I get up,I should see the unity of the scene.I should smell the strong smell of this most wonderful place.And so,I am able to learn the real life in my balkoon.The sun should smile at me with its beauti/f/ful , yellow face as if gold.By sitting on the old wooden chair I should watch the moving from the side to side coyly of the so green trees.........I want to go there which all colours ara mixed and live there.Because ;if a person is happy wherever / / , I think she must live there.Where am I happy? Don't you know?Of course, at the place at my dream !
good essay but some little mistakes I believe your essays are better than previous ...
ReplyDeletegood essay but there are some little gramatical mistakes, but I believe your essays are better than previous
ReplyDeletehi Selda :)
ReplyDeleteyour essay is interesting.But there are some mistakes.I think I like it :)
see you :)
It is a good essay and very attractive.except some grammatical errors it is very good.
ReplyDelete